Self-Esteem
When working with clients who experience anxiety, I often notice a deeper pattern beneath the surface: persistent negative self-talk that feeds on a fragile sense of self-worth. Digging deeper, it becomes clear that anxiety and low self-esteem are often closely linked.
But what exactly is self-esteem?
Simply put, it’s our estimation of our own worth — the story we hold about who we are and how deserving we feel of love, respect, and success.
We Are More Than One Thing
It’s powerful to remember that each of us wears many hats: to different people, we are a friend, partner, sibling, colleague, neighbour — and every single one of these people holds a slightly different image of us in their minds.
For people with low self-esteem, though, there’s often a strong tendency to see themselves only through the eyes of others. They rely on external validation — praise, approval, or reassurance — to feel “good enough.” When that’s missing, their sense of self can crumble.
Where Real Confidence Comes From
Psychologists like Dr. Kristin Neff (2011) and Dr. Nathaniel Branden (1994) remind us that real self-esteem grows when we develop self-compassion and an internal sense of worth — not when we chase it through other people’s opinions.
One practical way I help clients strengthen this is with what I call the Daily Achievement Journal.
The Daily Achievement Journal
This is a simple but powerful practice. Each day, clients write down small things they did well: moments of courage, small actions they took despite fear, or kind things they did for themselves.
These don’t have to be big. They might look like:
✅ “I asked a question at work.”
✅ “I went for a walk when I felt down.”
✅ “I texted a friend when I wanted to hide away.”
Over time, this becomes a growing bank of real evidence for their minds to counter old narratives like “I’m not good enough.” Instead, they start to see: “I am capable. I do show up for myself. I can trust myself.”
Tiny Steps, Real Change
Self-esteem doesn’t grow overnight — it’s a daily choice to see ourselves more clearly and more kindly. By shifting our focus to what we are doing well, rather than what we fear we lack, we start to build a resilient sense of self that is rooted within us.
If you often find your anxious thoughts spiralling into self-criticism, try starting your own Daily Achievement Journal. Each day, jot down one small thing you did for yourself or that you feel proud of — no matter how tiny it may seem.
Bit by bit, you’ll gather proof that your worth is real — and that it comes from within you, not from what anyone else says.
References
Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
Branden, N. (1994). The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.
Wood, A. M., & Heimpel, S. A. (2007). Self-Esteem and Self-Concept Clarity: Self-Concept Clarity as a Mediator of the Relationship Between Self-Esteem and Well-Being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
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